I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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