I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
