i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
