Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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