he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
