Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
