i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
