Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
