You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
