My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
