You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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