My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
