My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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