Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
