Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
