Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just had sex on a roof
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
