new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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