I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
