"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
