he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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