Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
