he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
