I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize