Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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