Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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