I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
there is puke in my bra ... again
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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