im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
