I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
