should my penis look like a turkey
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
