The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
