goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
