I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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