I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
