HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
