my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
