The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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