I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
