This is not my ceiling
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
