Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
