she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Let's get the cat blown out
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
