apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
