She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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