I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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