the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
