I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
