I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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