when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
