You're so nebulous sometimes
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
