Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
