College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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