I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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