there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she peed on how many people?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
