did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
