Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
