The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
