Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
