My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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