he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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