I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
