I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
