fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
They took my balls.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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