It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
