I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
