I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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