Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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