Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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